Let The Dog Bark

What I’m Thinking About

“Matt - did you repurpose this newsletter to pet training advice? Please increase the frequency in which you meet with your therapist”

No. Just bear with me as I work through this metaphor.

A friend of mine told me that when their dog barks for attention, they let him “bark it out”. They don’t attempt to stop the barking. Like many of you, I initially thought this was counterproductive.

“Your dog will keep barking if you don’t do something about it!” I warned them with extreme certainty, even though I had no basis for such a claim.

She told me, “If there’s no apparent stimulus for the barking, chances are he just wants attention. Demonstrating that I will respond will reinforce his behavior of barking whenever he needs something.”

Apparently, this is common advice in the dog training community, but I had no idea.

From the Humane Society:

“Treatment for barking can be challenging because pet parents often unwittingly reinforce the behavior—sometimes just with eye contact, touching, scolding, or talking to their dogs. To dogs, all of these human behaviors can count as rewarding attention.”

My friend explained that she waits for her dog to stop barking, then once he does, she stops looking up at the ceiling and will address his need for attention, fill his water bowl, let him outside, etc. This has dramatically reduced the behavior.

But it’s tough! She’s AWARE of the barking, but she’s not RESPONDING/ACTING

Apply the same logic to your own internal thoughts

Be aware of them. All of them. Even the negative ones. But don’t respond. You don’t have to do anything with them. You shouldn’t with most of them.

Implement this when you’re focussing on a specific task. How often do you sit down to work on something only to be interrupted by seemingly unavoidable forces?

You HAVE to check your phone, you HAVE to check your email, and you HAVE to book an appointment before you forget.

All these impulses begin as a thought that pops into your head, begging for attention. And you yield because you tell yourself that you'll forget if you don’t do it now. Your brain learns that you value this information and keeps feeding it to you.

Similar to how social media companies learn that you value a certain genre of content and keep pumping it onto your timeline.

The next time you’re reading a book, wait for the impulse to check your phone to arrive. If you’re like me, it will take about 4 seconds. When it does, sit with it. Be fully aware of that desire to respond to a text, it’s natural. Just don’t act. Tell your brain that you’re in control. You’ll respond to texts when you want to.

It will be difficult at first, but over time your brain will learn that those little thoughts aren’t going to get you to move as they once did.

Weekly Recommendation

Speaking of reading a book, “I Am Pilgrim” by Terry Hayes is hands down the best one I’ve ever read. Full Stop.

The 600 pages of single-spaced thriller will keep you occupied for a solid month if you read as slowly as I do.

But I’d encourage you to drink deeply from this one.

Hayes expertly researches the intricacies of CIA operations in the Middle East and spins quite the yarn.

What would happen if a terrorist got their hands on the Small Pox virus? What would American officials do to stop the outbreak of a dangerously contagious and deadly virus?

Note: written in 2014 before COVID.

P.S. - Lots of people have been giving me feedback on what they like and don’t like about my weekly posts. I take nothing personally and value any of your ~thoughts~ about it. I respond to every email and would love to hear from you.