The Pursuit of Happyness is an excellent movie about Will Smith selling enough computers until (spoiler alert) he can afford to go to the Oscars and slap Chris Rock.

The pursuit of happiness (the correct spelling) is an endeavor with which every human struggles. When you’re pursuing something you must ascend from your current position to achieve a separate, preferable state of being. If you pursue intelligence you must actively learn, if you pursue perspective you must travel to find alternative viewpoints. But where you do go to pursue happiness?

Defining happiness is a good place to start before you embark on said pursuit. Most argue “happiness is not a destination”. Fuck. So I don’t have to go anywhere?

Others will tell you that, “Money doesn’t buy happiness”. However, money can buy you safety and security, which makes it easier to be happy. But yes, focusing only on the number in your bank account won’t make you happy.

Money is an important indicator that, when combined, with health, a sense of purpose, and satisfying relationships, make it very likely that a person will claim to be happy if they possess each one.

Studies like these ask people how much money they make, then ask how happy they feel. It’s no surprise that the ones who make more money, even after earning enough to satisfy basic needs, report that they are happier. On average, people who make $1 million are self-reporting more levels of happiness than those who make $500,000.

Snapshots like these are missing the mark entirely. If you asked someone who:

1. Has a bunch of money in the bank and;

2. Just ran a marathon with 5 of their closest friends and;

3. Proposed to the love of their life at the finish line

… whether they are happy or not, what do you think they’d say?

Let's take that same fictitious character and visit them in the hospital the next day after they got in a tragic car accident. As a result of the accident, they:

1. Are paralyzed from the legs down. The price of multiple surgeries and endless physical therapy is going to nearly wipe out most of their savings.

2. The person they just got engaged to is actually incredibly shallow and left them after the news that their fiance would never walk again was delivered.

3. Over time, they fall out of touch with their 5 closest friends who continue to run marathons together.

If you asked that person how they feel, what do you think they would say?

Did the money, friends, love, and purpose help them feel happier? Sure. If you asked me how I felt after eating a huge meal, I’d report feeling full.

But are they happy? Is that something they have achieved? Or is it something that is conditional so long as they hold on to their money, health, and psychotic need to run marathons?

Happiness, like hunger, is not a permanent state. So when you google “how to live a happy life”, it should be no surprise that you get 1000s of results all saying different things. It's like asking “How do I live a life where I’m never hungry?”.

The goal of never being hungry is a poor one. Wouldn’t you get tired of being full? Don’t you love the feeling of sitting down for your favorite meal while you’re completely starving?

The obsession with “happiness” is really an obsession with not feeling pain, loss, uncertainty, etc. That’s impossible. Which is why the happiness dilemma is impossible to solve. People define happiness as the absence of these so-called negative feelings.

We want a perfectly defined roadmap to permanently escape any uncomfortable feelings. It’s why The Science of Wellbeing is Yale’s most popular course. I’m sure it’s a great course that will teach you something about yourself. But just like a good meal, its effect won’t be everlasting. You won’t be perpetually happy after completing the course requirements.

Happiness is a poor end goal.

For the 6th year in a row, Finland was ranked #1 on the World Happiness Report. When asked, “Why do you think Finnish people are happier than the rest of the world?” most Finnish people disagree with the question entirely.

Others surveyed share that sentiment, claiming Finland's long winters can often make them feel quite gloomy. Yes, it is nice to live in a country where they have access to nature and a social safety net, but those components only help to alleviate suffering rather than evoke overwhelming joy.

So why are our Finnish friends consistently ranked #1 on the World Happiness Report?

The Finnish way of life is summed up in the word:

The world happiness report should be renamed to “The World ‘Being Content with the cards you are dealt and focussing on what you can control rather than worrying about everything… breathe Report”

Unfortunately, that name is not sexy, so happiness is conflated with resilience and low expectations in the case of the Finnish.

Having low expectations does not make the Finnish a land of pessimists. They have discovered a systematic way to appreciate what they have and don’t waste time focusing on what they don’t.

Rather than thinking you need to accumulate more wealth, more friends, and more experiences, in order to be happy, take a moment to appreciate everything that’s already been gifted to you.

The studies that measure happiness by asking members of the survey to self-report how they feel at a given moment in time are misleading.

We can, however, look to the longest study on human happiness ever conducted for some direction. In short, the study followed participants for a large portion of their lives. The results indicated that participants who had nurtured strong relationships throughout their lives had a far better chance of feeling happy with their lives.

Deep fulfilling relationships were the strongest indicator of a person’s sense of well-being.

The Takeaway

1. Take the Finnish approach to life and have no expectations about what will happen.

2. Treat your relationships with others like a retirement plan. Consistently pay “The relationship meter” in the form of a phone call to a friend you haven’t spoken to in weeks and dinners with people who make you feel alive.

At the end of the day, having strong relationships will make you more likely to be persistent in the face of hardship (an unavoidable part of life). It’s really that simple.

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