Given the Opportunity, Players Will Optimize the Fun Out of a Game

Author

Matt Lowerre
March 09, 2023

On the 3-year anniversary of what I remember being the first week COVID actually affected my life, I find myself reflecting on what’s unfolded since Mayor Deblasio said, “Snow day! Forever!”

For a lot of folks, the first couple weeks of lockdown were a welcome reprieve from exercising incredible self-restraint in choosing not to spit in your coworker’s face when they said, “Happy Monday” as you sprinted to the Keurig after spending the previous day challenging that cute Upper West Side brunch establishment to redefine the word “bottomless” (just me?)

Then the pendulum swung. We have seen COVID dubbed as “The Loneliness Pandemic”. People moved out of cities in 2020 and 2021, just to move back in 2022 because they missed the action, or so it goes.

Quantifying the effects of shutting down the world for a couple of months and shifting to predominantly remote work is quite the challenge. 26% of people are currently remote, down from 42% in the year 2020.

The narrative exists that people feel more isolated than ever. We’re not having sex, not getting married, don’t have friends, and don’t make as much money as we did in 2019, on average.

That’s quite the burn! I think someone who bullied me in middle school said that would happen.

The narrative is backed by solid data. Pew Research discovered:

  1. In 2022, 30% of US adults are neither married, living with a partner nor engaged in a committed relationship.

  2. Nearly half of all adults under 30 are single: 34% of women, and a whopping 63% of men.

  3. Thirty years ago, 55% of men reported having six or more close friends, by 2021, that share had slipped to 27% (YIKES!)

  4. Male college enrollment in America has declined 10% since 2019, and men now make up just 41% of undergrads. Adjusted for inflation, the average single man makes less today than in 1990; single women are earning roughly the same.

  5. 15% of men report having no close friendships, a fivefold increase from 1990, according to research by the Survey Centre on American Life.

Scott Galloway, one of my favorite writers, summed this up well:

“Marriage rates are in decline — so is sex. The net of these trends is a steady erosion in the West’s greatest innovation, the middle class, whose foundation rests on two people pursuing the grist of a rewarding life: a deep, meaningful relationship. I suggested a few solutions on CNN, such as expanding the number of freshman seats at colleges, investing in vocational training, bringing down the cost of housing with looser housing permit policies, and building more third places — destinations in between home and work where young people can meet.”

Scott makes some good points and I agree with most.

However, I think this problem (and it is a huge problem) goes deeper than isolationism and the solution is more complex than returning to the office or building more “third places”. You can lead a horse to water, but you can’t make him drink. So having these establishments between work and home sounds good in practice, but people have to WANT to connect.

“Given the opportunity, players will optimize the fun out of a game”

Returning to the office, making college more appealing/ accessible, etc. might fall short if people don’t view building and maintaining relationships as conducive to their goals.

To me, the goal of life is to simply enjoy it. Do work that’s meaningful, and surround myself with people who allow me to lose track of time. While I may not always be seen actively engaging in that pursuit, it’s always top of mind.

But for some people that’s suboptimal. Relationships can be dicey. We live in a world where if it’s broken we throw it out, we don’t look for ways to fix it. You can get your dopamine boost any time you want by looking at your phone or laptop. You don’t have to work for it.

“So if I can burrow in my apartment, entertain myself for days on end without having to speak to a soul, and still make money from the comfort of my laptop, why would I go out and try to get into a relationship that’s going to ultimately end in heartbreak?”

This dystopian view of the world is a present reality for 15% of men who don’t have anyone to talk to. That’s a huge number.

“The game” is survival. As humans, that’s what we're conditioned to do. It can be an enjoyable game if you’re lucky. Pursue numerous endeavors, and in the process figure out what you as an individual truly love doing. Then make it something you offer to the world.

Or you can take the passive approach. Technically, moving through life with the least amount of friction would include: resigning yourself to one space for living and working, having little to no relationships with the outside world so as to avoid inevitable conflict and disappointment, and engaging only in activities you know will have a net positive outcome. Failure is suboptimal.

I don’t think anyone sets out to become a hermit. It’s a slow burn. I see a lot of people falling down that slippery slope every day. The opportunity cost of staying at home, in the short term, is increasingly negligible.

But the long-term costs are devastating. Life isn’t about making it to the finish line unscathed. It’s about accumulating cuts, bruises, and burns for the sake of getting back up again. Just like when you were a kid and the threat of scraping your knee on the pavement meant nothing. You were just having fun playing.

Until next time,

Matt

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